If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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