Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
