..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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