You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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