you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
