dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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