I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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