How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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