i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
