we have pet lesbian snakes
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
