I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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