Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I still have a little drunk in my system
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
