I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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