Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
