M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Drunk is not a location!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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