I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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