I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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