If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
