You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
