K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Tornado booty call.. dedication
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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