i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
