p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
