Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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