Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
