We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
