You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
