did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
