Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
