His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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