i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
