I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
