I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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