Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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