Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
