i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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