I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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