some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
