I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
