Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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