OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
This toilet bowl is my home.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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