I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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