I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
