i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
