how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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