Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Boobs are out for the taking
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
