the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
