I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
