Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
