i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
