There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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